If i come over, it means nothing
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
