I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
