Having a random hookup so left but love u
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
