If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
