Who wears a wallet chain?!
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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