Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
