i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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