my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
The power of my boobs compel you
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Randomize
