I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
she smelled like a LAN party
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
