The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
