I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
