wat bout pragnant strippers??
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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