So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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