Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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