it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
