The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
