DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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