apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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