meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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