My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
