Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize