non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
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