That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
