she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
