Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
ttyl tear gas
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Oh god it's open bar.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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