And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I had to cum in my sink.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize