dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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