just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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