Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
