Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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