The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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