Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
