fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
