I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
