Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
My vagina is very pro this idea
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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