Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
you made out with another girl for some wings
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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