she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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