And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
In other news, I just burned my penis
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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