Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
