I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
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