he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
