I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
