My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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