You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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