I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
