id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
