Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
