I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
