if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
