would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
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