i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
