tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
