The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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