I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
