24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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