why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
please come you make the beer taste better
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
