Non-Jews are for practice
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize