Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
