I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
