She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
