just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
