Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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