I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
