I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Randomize
