My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize