dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
