So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
