I wanna passion pit in your ass
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
