You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
