took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
