new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
