I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
